DEAR ABBY: I simply turned 29. My accomplice, “Jeremy,” and I’ve been collectively for six years and have talked about getting engaged. He set the timeline for an expectation of when he’d suggest early on in our relationship — by “5 or 30” (that means both we’ve been collectively for 5 years or he hits 30). Both of these marks hit final 12 months, and I anticipated him to suggest, nevertheless it didn’t occur. I’m mortified as a result of I hold getting requested by folks, “Why not?” I don’t have a solution, besides that Jeremy is simply not prepared.
He informed me he desires to repay some money owed earlier than shopping for a hoop, however we’re each saving and residing effectively under our means, and I don’t need something costly. Jeremy is concentrated on his bodily coaching and his hobbies. I’m prepared to purchase a house, get married, possibly even begin a household, however I really feel like we’re caught within the post-college way of life.
I’ve informed Jeremy the entire above a number of occasions now, nevertheless it appears to fall on deaf ears. Otherwise, he tells me the dedication is already there and that he’ll get to a spot the place he feels he’s prepared. He additionally informed me the one purpose he’d ever suggest is as a result of I would like it — as a result of it has no that means or pleasure for him!
I’m confused and anxious that one thing is incorrect with me for feeling this fashion. All my pals are married. They have purchased houses and are beginning households. I’m uninterested in ready for this practice to come back in, and I’m resentful that he hasn’t stored to his timeline. Now I’m undecided I ought to say sure, even when he does ask. Do I run for the hills or belief him to maintain his phrase? He’s all the time been trustworthy with me. — WAITING AND WAITING
DEAR WAITING: When a person tells you that marriage has no that means or pleasure for him and that he’ll suggest when he feels prepared however nonetheless isn’t prepared after 5 years, you may have some vital choices to make about your future. Trying to wrestle a wedding proposal out of him as a result of your folks have all married and began households doesn’t assure that your union can be a cheerful one.
Tell Jeremy that you seem like working in several time zones, that marriage is essential to you, and he hasn’t stored his phrase concerning the 5 years. Then transfer on, so that you gained’t be writing in one other 5 years about this similar drawback.
DEAR ABBY: Please, please assist me save a really outdated friendship. I’ve a buddy who won’t let me end a narrative, a remark or a response. When I attempted to be well mannered and mentioned, “Please, let me end,” she received miffed. We went out to lunch with one other buddy just lately, and she or he did it once more! How do I politely ask her to attend her flip? — WORD IN EDGEWISE
DEAR WORD: Stating it in plain English wouldn’t harm. Do it proper after you ask this lady why she feels it’s essential to interrupt you. (If the reply is that you simply held the ground too lengthy, you will want to edit both your buddy record — or your storytelling.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
