Living in an ageist tradition that equates sex with youth, you might consider issues fizzle out within the bed room after you hit a sure age. But in lots of instances, that’s simply not true.
In truth, 43% of Americans over age 50 say their intercourse life is “simply as or extra adventurous” than it was of their youthful days, according to one 2019 survey. Another survey from 2021 discovered that 35% of individuals on this age group say their sex drive is higher now than once they had been youthful.
That mentioned, our our bodies and lives change as we age, which may end up in some shifts within the bed room, too.
“It is extraordinarily necessary to notice, nonetheless, that whereas modifications in sexual feeling and performance as we age are regular, issues will not be, although we generally assume they’re,” medical sexologist and sexuality educator Lawrence Siegel instructed HuffPost.
As we become old, we have to set up new norms for ourselves, adjusting our expectations as time passes.
“A 55-year-old shouldn’t be attempting to keep up the identical degree of curiosity or stamina as a 25-year-old,” Siegel mentioned. “While issues appear to work mechanically once we’re youthful, we’ve to offer extra effort and consciousness to them once we become old.”
To that finish, we requested Siegel and different intercourse therapists which bed room points individuals generally encounter on this section of life and methods to tackle them.
1. Negative Beliefs About Sexuality And Aging
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Our mindset round intercourse as we age has a big impact on our intercourse lives. And destructive beliefs on this space are a “a lot larger drawback than most individuals understand,” mentioned psychotherapist and intercourse therapist Nan Wise.
“We must debunk a number of the extra pernicious myths and misconceptions about our sexuality as we mature. Yes, hormonal modifications can negatively impression us as our our bodies alter to the shifting sands of time, however that is drastically exacerbated by our tradition’s hangups about intercourse usually and, much more so, about intercourse as individuals age,” Wise, writer of “Why Good Sex Matters,” instructed HuffPost.
People of their 50s should “get previous the societal stigma that they’re much less sexual as a result of their age,” mentioned psychologist and intercourse therapist Shannon Chavez. In her follow, she discovered that many individuals on this age group have higher intercourse than once they had been youthful.
“They are extra clear on what they need and methods to specific it,” she instructed HuffPost. “Sex in your 50s is commonly extra related and comfy with much less efficiency anxiousness and sexual hangups from the previous. Most individuals on this age group are extra assured and have had expertise to know what they need and will be far more assertive in the direction of a associate.”
2. Vaginal Dryness
The drop in estrogen ranges that happens with menopause may cause vaginal dryness — which, in flip, can impression sexual functioning. It’s estimated that about half of post-menopausal women cope with this situation.
“This can result in painful or uncomfortable sexual experiences for some, which is why all ladies over 50 ought to have a good lube on hand,” Siegel mentioned.
Spending more time on foreplay may additionally be useful. Being extra aroused can increase vaginal lubrication, making intercourse really feel extra pleasurable. If vaginal penetration is just too painful, different actions, akin to oral intercourse or utilizing intercourse toys, may really feel extra pleasant.
It’s price noting that many ladies undergo menopause with out “any actual points,” Siegel mentioned, “apart from a way of liberation from the prospect of getting pregnant.”
3. Erection And Ejaculation Challenges
As males age, issues change within the erection division — and that’s regular.
“They is not going to have the identical sorts of spontaneous or reflexive erections the best way they used to,” Siegel mentioned. “And they’ll discover that they might want extra and various stimulation with the intention to get or keep an erection. In addition, they might additionally discover that their erections will not be as laborious or sturdy as they was.”
Having erection bother infrequently will not be uncommon. But should you’re unable to develop or maintain an erection most occasions you attempt to have intercourse, you might be dealing with erectile dysfunction. Speak together with your physician, as this is usually a sign of an underlying health condition.
Also, the amount of ejaculate and the power with which it’s launched could also be “considerably much less” than what they’re accustomed to, Siegel mentioned.
“While issues appear to work mechanically once we’re youthful, we’ve to offer extra effort and consciousness to them once we become old.”
– Lawrence Siegel, medical sexologist and sexuality educator
Men are socialized to assume their sexual vitality “hinges on the unfailingly constant efficiency of their penises,” mentioned Wise, which will be “a recipe for issues as males age.”
“It can also be one of the vital frequent points that impression erectile challenges,” she mentioned. “Even younger males expertise erectile dysfunction as they grow to be preoccupied with the state of their penises throughout lovemaking.”
To fight this, Siegel mentioned a very powerful factor is to alleviate efficiency strain and alter the target of intercourse within the first place.
“If we method sexual encounters with the concept that we’re merely desirous to share this pleasurable expertise, and if ejaculation happens, nice; if it doesn’t, it may nonetheless be sharing an excellent, pleasurable expertise,” he mentioned. “Our intimate and erotic experiences will be drastically elevated if we have a look at orgasm much less as a objective and extra as a pleasant facet impact of sharing pleasure.”
4. Lower Sexual Desire
Stress, bodily well being issues, psychological well being points, treatment uncomfortable side effects and declining hormone ranges can all contribute to decreased libido.
Prevalent points for these of their 50s embrace “coping with modifications of their bodily physique and vitality ranges which may result in low need,” Chavez mentioned, noting that menopause and different hormonal shifts are frequent throughout this time. “The hormonal shifts not solely have an effect on physiology and sexual need however may impression psychological well being, together with fatigue and modifications in temper,” Chavez added.
She instructed getting a hormone panel to see methods to steadiness your hormones and scale back undesirable signs.
“Most hormonal modifications are very manageable with the correct assist,” she mentioned.
Siegel mentioned, “it’s completely regular” to have much less curiosity in intercourse as we age.
“For some, hormone-replacement remedy is perhaps acceptable,” he mentioned.
“For others, extra naturalistic issues like yoga, meditation, and dietary supplements will be useful.”
Marilyn Nieves by way of Getty Images
Finding methods to alleviate stress could enhance your need for intercourse and make you happier and more healthy total. For instance, Wise recommends each day respiration workouts to “entry the therapeutic energy of the parasympathetic ‘restorative’ state.”
“Most of us spend most of our time in ‘fight-or-flight,’ which is when the physique pumps out stress hormones that aren’t meant to be flooding us so constantly,” she mentioned. “This perpetual state of hormonal stress erodes our sense of well-being and might put a kibosh on our intercourse drives, in addition.”
Take 5 minutes a couple of times a day to do that follow. First, discover a quiet spot to sit down and “give your self permission to be precisely as you’re and for the second to be precisely as it’s,” Wise mentioned. This is often known as radical acceptance.
“By giving your self permission to begin from the place you’re, you possibly can loosen and soften an entire lot of the stress we accumulate once we resist what’s,” she mentioned.
Then take a protracted, easy inhalation by way of your nostril and a protracted smooth exhalation.
“When you make your exhalation longer than the inhalation, your good physique shifts your nervous system into the restorative mode, your coronary heart slows down, and your stress hormones lower,” Wise mentioned.
When stress crops up all through the day, take into account that your cue to sluggish your respiration.
“You could discover that this straightforward follow turns into an exquisite new behavior that enhances total well-being and helps you tune into your lust for all times — each out and in of the bed room,” Wise mentioned. ”Remember, pleasure isn’t a luxurious. It’s a necessity for a wholesome thoughts and physique and a life price dwelling!”
