Remember NFTs? They had been this hilariously silly and apparent rip-off from 2021, the place folks—and also you’ll giggle—bought the “rights” to jpegs! Yeah, I do know, these issues you’ll be able to right-click and make an infinite variety of. So foolish. Anyway, three years after that each one collapsed, Ubisoft has launched a recreation that includes the grift.
Captain Laserhawk: The G.A.M.E. is an try to revive the once-popular Far Cry 3 spin-off, Blood Dragon, and the spin-off-spin-off Netflix cartoon, Captain Laserhawk, now as a top-down shooter with commentary from Rayman and perks associated to Assassin’s Creed. Which, on its face, appears like somebody fell over within the Ubisoft provide closet. But it doesn’t finish there, as a result of if you wish to play, you need to have an NFT!
These take the type of Niji Warrior playing cards, which could be purchased by way of the sport’s web site, the place—like in all regular video games—you then should check in to your “pockets.” This is the place your fake cash and footage are saved, and on this case it needs you to make use of one thing known as Eden Online, Ubisoft’s personal in-universe creation. (You also can signal into Coinbase or Walletconnect, however not being a crypto-bro, I’ve no such issues.) So, as a result of I really am an unimaginable video games journalist, I let the factor hook into my private Gmail account. This apparently generated a pockets I might affiliate with the account, that means I used to be capable of “enter the photobooth.”
Here, having repeatedly been informed I might “reveal” my card, I used to be rerouted to a web site known as magiceden.io, a somehow-surviving NFT “market,” the place I found that each one the ten,000 free choices to “mint” a card had already been taken. But I want my Niji Warrior card to have the ability to play! So, as I examine how this “increasing the universe of the Netflix collection” was “constructed on the Arbitrum blockchain,” and the way these “10,000 AI-generated NFTs evolve primarily based in your efficiency and involvement, unlocking unique entry to in-game belongings, governance rights, and perks tied to iconic Ubisoft franchises like Assassin’s Creed, Rayman and Splinter Cell,” I puzzled if it was all too late.
Only right here, on a non-Ubisoft website, written in small print inside a piece mockingly entitled “Vision,” does it reveal that the “mint” is a part of an “Early Access for Niji Warrior holders,” the “full launch” occurring in 2025, regardless of the sport being listed as out throughout Ubisoft’s website and retailer. It appears we now should click on by to the “Collection” to purchase one among them from another person. Suddenly I’m considering of Egyptian architects for some motive.
I can not emphasize sufficient that Ubisoft’s websites suggest that you just “Reveal” your ID card, with no point out of cash, no point out that you will want to purchase cryptocurrency to have any approach to play the precise recreation.
Speaking of enjoying the sport, I figured I’d strive that as a substitute and see what might be executed with out shattering my crypto virginity. The first few tries, after discovering that Ubisoft Connect had, after all, but once more forgotten all my login credentials for the reason that final time I used to be pressured to make use of it, resulted in error messages.
I used to be informed the sport was “Unable to begin obtain (Code: 17006)“ and likewise “(Code: 17017).” The hyperlink to the assist web page informed me to go to the “Live Feed Update part on Ubisoft Help,” linking to the latter. The Ubisoft Help web page has no Live Feed Update part. This is basically excellent.
Then, as I used to be about to put in writing that up, one other try noticed the sport efficiently obtain! (For some motive, it refused to acknowledge my two gaming SSDs in its listing of set up drives.) It was right here! I clicked to launch, and right here’s my favourite screenshot of the sport to date:
OK, OK, that’s not truthful. It clearly did not load the primary time. I gave it one other go.
So no, you’ll be able to’t even see a menu display screen earlier than you permit your self to change into embroiled within the murky, barely regulated underground world of crypto scams.
The most cost-effective card you should buy proper now’s 0.0037 ETH, which works out to $12.06. The costliest is (oh my precise god) 50 ETH, or $162,975.50.
Damn, I’m simply these two quarters brief.
Oh! And if you happen to thought, “Well, 12 bucks, I might possibly simply suck it up and have a look,” the minimal quantity it seems to be doable so as to add to a pockets is $21!
I can not inform you the rest about it proper now, as a result of Ubisoft is working fairly exhausting to cover what the sport seems like from these not prepared to shoot for the moon. The writer has unintentionally forgotten to add any trailers to its personal YouTube channel, as a substitute choosing a hardwired model on their website…which doesn’t present any in-game footage. Like, not even a touch.
Ubisoft has additionally, as PC Gamer seen, not but remembered to say the sport by itself socials, as a substitute utilizing an Eden Online sockpuppet account. On there, I was capable of finding a tiny glimpse of the sport itself amongst the cartoon sequences. Hilariously, that is proven in a tiny window to make it as exhausting to make out as doable.
It seems like a crappy F2P cellular recreation, however as we’ve not performed it, we will’t choose if that’s the case.
That’s Captain Laserhawk: The G.A.M.E., of us. Perhaps it’s the breakthrough expertise the world of NFTs and crypto has been crying out for, probably even one thing to lastly match the glory of Logan Paul’s CryptoZoo.
(We’ve contacted Ubi to seek out out why the location says “Reveal Your ID Card Now” with no point out of cost, and certainly to see if we will get entry to the sport with out having to willingly stroll right into a crypto-shaped rake.)
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